Badger forward Kevin Gullikson cited for underage drinking

Lest you think that the football players are the only ones having any fun ...

University of Wisconsin men's basketball player Kevin Gullikson received a citation early Saturday morning for underage drinking.

According to the UW Police Department, he was picked up at 1:25 a.m. and had an alcohol level of .209, more than twice the legal limit.

Now, since they were kind enough to post the actual BAC here, I decided to run a few numbers ... ya know, just for fun. Gullikson weighs 240 pounds, so a BAC of .209 could translate to:

• 13 shots of Jack Daniel's over the course of 2 hours (BAC = 0.214%)


• 11 Miller High Lifes in one hour (BAC = 0.212%)


• 2 liters of MD 20/20 over the course of 3 hours (BAC = 0.209%)


• Two and a half forties of Steel Reserve over the course of 3 hours (BAC = 0.208%)
  

Makes me sick just to look at it.

Prodigious! And with numbers like that, you have to expect the guy's no rookie; sure enough:

For the second offense, Gullikson faces up to $375 in fines and a suspension of his driving privileges for up to six months. According to the UW Police Department, he may also be required to attend an alcohol assessment program.

Underage drinking violations are not covered under the athletic department's Student-Athlete Discipline Policy.

Caught twice? Kevin Gullikson needs to drink smarter, not harder.

Jamal Cooper is gone

Suspended indefinitely. Sounds like he won't be back:

Cooper will have access to full academic support services, but will no longer be a part of the football program in any other way.

Ouch. And that's from the official release on the matter. No word on the matter yet but Cooper has had issues in the past.

Presumably senior Kurt Ware will move up the depth chart and assume the starting role.

Ikegwuonu meets the press

... and I have to say, it's monumentally frustrating. From the Wisconsin State Journal:

Reporters were warned by Bielema not to ask questions about Ikegwuonu's off-field problems. He has a hearing set for Aug. 24 in Sycamore, Ill., to deal with a motion filed by his attorney to suppress statements made by Ikegwuonu to police, on the grounds he was not read his Miranda rights.

Bielema told Ikegwuonu to answer "no comment," to a first question about his case, then walk away if there was a second question.

From the Journal-Sentinel:

Before Ikegwuonu was made available to reporters Wednesday, Bielema made it clear neither the players nor coaches would answer questions about the case.

Hey Coach, the case is something we want to know about. We want to make sure that our team and our school's reputation aren't being sold out because a kid is both a criminal and a shutdown corner. We want to be reassured that the ability to run down Darren McFadden from behind doesn't become a Get Out of Jail Free card.

And secrecy isn't helping that.

The five major disciplinary problems that have arisen in the Bielema era have combined for a combined loss of five downs of football for those involved. All those missed downs came against Bowling Green. Are we truly becoming, as my brother-in-law put it, Miami North?

Lance Smith reinstated

It would be fair to say I'm not surprised. As you may remember, Smith pushed his girlfriend down and took $20 and her shoes after a dispute about cab fare. Maybe the powers that be were pleased that the courts only saw fit to charge Smith with misdemeanor battery.

Hopefully this will be reflected in the newest Fulmer Cup standings.

Cow-tipping, UW Hockey-style

Cow-tipping. After beer-pong, Wisconsin's most popular sport. A sacred tradition, a rite of passage, an easy go-to insult for the most slack-jawed out-of-state dunderheads to fall back upon.

Well, it really appears that Badger defenseman Kyle Klubertanz is living the dream. The Anaheim Ducks prospect was fined $200 Thursday for cow-tipping. But, as always seems to be the case with Badgers who run afoul of John Law, the story comes with a humorous, embarrassing twist:

It wasn't an actual cow.

No, it was a cow sculpture, as the Capital Times story helpfully illustrates:



The cow in question is called "Looking for Bucky" and stood, for a longer time than it should've, outside of the Kohl Center during last summer's Cow Parade. Over a hundred of these damned things took up space and helped bring stereotypes to life for an unbearable stretch of months last year, and then almost all of them sold for inexplicable five-figure amounts at a charity auction.

Reading the article, though, it certainly seems that Klubertanz and his nerdy sidekick, Badger alum Jeffery Slinde, picked on the least offensive cow in the vicinity. "Looking for Bucky" was accompanied by "Moo Rah Rah Wisconsin" (groan) and "If You Want to Be a Moosaic, Come Along with Me" (straight up WTF!?). Bill Wineke wrote, "the names alone make one want to damage the cow," and sure enough as I was typing all that in my tippin' shoulder was starting to get that telltale twitch.

So, $200 fine, 30 hours' community service, no mark on the permanent record. And Badger hockey once again gives people all around the internets something to talk about.