Cow-tipping. After beer-pong, Wisconsin's most popular sport. A sacred tradition, a rite of passage, an easy go-to insult for the most slack-jawed out-of-state dunderheads to fall back upon.
Well, it really appears that Badger defenseman Kyle Klubertanz is living the dream. The Anaheim Ducks prospect was fined $200 Thursday for cow-tipping. But, as always seems to be the case with Badgers who run afoul of John Law, the story comes with a humorous, embarrassing twist:
It wasn't an actual cow.
No, it was a cow sculpture, as the Capital Times story helpfully illustrates:
The cow in question is called "Looking for Bucky" and stood, for a longer time than it should've, outside of the Kohl Center during last summer's Cow Parade. Over a hundred of these damned things took up space and helped bring stereotypes to life for an unbearable stretch of months last year, and then almost all of them sold for inexplicable five-figure amounts at a charity auction.
Reading the article, though, it certainly seems that Klubertanz and his nerdy sidekick, Badger alum Jeffery Slinde, picked on the least offensive cow in the vicinity. "Looking for Bucky" was accompanied by "Moo Rah Rah Wisconsin" (groan) and "If You Want to Be a Moosaic, Come Along with Me" (straight up WTF!?). Bill Wineke wrote, "the names alone make one want to damage the cow," and sure enough as I was typing all that in my tippin' shoulder was starting to get that telltale twitch.
So, $200 fine, 30 hours' community service, no mark on the permanent record. And Badger hockey once again gives people all around the internets something to talk about.